I was looking through pictures and came across this one of my beautiful family + our little blessing and caught myself thinking: "remember when you could button those jeans a month ago?"
Here I am staring at a photo of my incredible husband, our precious little girl, and the book "God Gave Us Two" and I am throwing a little pity party about my growing body. Ya know, the body that is carrying our second little blessing that GOD gave us?
(If you're wanting to jump through the computer right now and give me a good lecture, don't worry, I've already given myself one.)
Unfortunately this thought isn't one I've just been struggling with today, but the last couple of weeks. (Just ask my husband.) Being pregnant is a beautiful thing, but it can also pull at your insecurities, and if you're not careful, drag you down into a pit of comparison and self loathing before you even realize it. (Let's be honest, you don't have to be pregnant to struggle with this so I'm talking to all my non prego friends too!)
I was reading in New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp this morning and his initial quote totally convicted me to my core.
OUCH. You don't alway view all of the negative thoughts you have about yourself as sinning, but I assure you it most definitely is.
Why? Well for starters we're thinking all of these awful things about the body GOD created in HIS image. It says so clearly in the very beginning in Genesis 1:27: "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Yes, we need to take care of these bodies and steward them well, but never do we get to bash them because they aren't a size 0 or fit for a magazine cover. INSTEAD we should be praising our Father for blessing us with these bodies and do our best to use them to glorify Him.
Also, thinking negatively about yourself is a form of PRIDE. Say what? That threw me for a loop when I first learned that in high school. I always viewed "pride" as thinking too highly of yourself when thinking about sin, but it is simply when you are thinking more about yourself than the Father period.
It's embarrassing to admit, but I have definitely been dealing with pride and a lust for my old body over these last couple weeks of pregnancy.
"I didn't start showing this early last time."
"If it was only my stomach and not other areas I wouldn't mind so much."
"She's farther along and you wouldn't even know she's pregnant."
"I need a whole new wardrobe because NOTHING looks good on me."
"I have NOTHING to wear."
Pregnant or not, any of those things sound familiar? I know I can't be the only one struggling with these thoughts! Insecurity and comparison are a constant struggle for women (and men!) and the enemy can use them to completely steal our joy. I personally HATE when the enemy wins and am not going to stand for it anymore.
So what to do now? I'm no expert, but here is what I'm thinking.
Step 1: Admit your struggle. (check!)
Step 2: Fight lies with TRUTH.
The Bible is our best and most available weapon. I don't say that as a boring pastor's wife urging you to read your bible. I say it because His word is TRUTH and the only thing that can kick down the enemy and keep him where he belongs.
I don't have it all together and I don't magically love every curve of my body all of a sudden, but I am CHOOSING to take a step in that direction. I am reminding myself of the beautiful gift of life growing inside of me and the privilege it is to carry this life. I am turning to His Word for truth about what HE thinks about me, instead of what my sinful thoughts tend to think. I pray you find comfort in His Word as well and believe that you are BEAUTIFUL as you take on your day, your closet, and your thoughts! We're in this together!
I am fighting with you, my beautiful friends! Here are a few of the verses I will be using to combat the lies with truth in my life. I hope they can help you as well, but I urge you to dig deeper into His word and seek His truth for yourself!