It was thirty minutes before the girls’ bedtime on February 13th. Miles and I were leaving the next morning for a trip to California and I was rushing around like a mad woman trying to get everything ready. As I pulled out Anniston’s Valentine’s Day outfit for school the next day it suddenly dawned on me that I would not be able to get a picture of the girls in their outfits together. The outfits I had planned out weeks ago. We were all going to be leaving early the next morning and the perfect photo op just wasn’t going to happen. I looked around at my 2 month old that was ready to be fed and my two year old that was wired from bath time. And for a split second I actually debated getting them dressed in their Valentine’s outfits so I could capture the moment and feel like supermom for getting it all done. Well the second past and my two year old started screaming as Miles tried to get her diaper on her and I decided now was not the best time to fight the battle of getting a picture.
The next day as we were sitting on the plane ready for take off I scrolled through Instagram seeing all of the sweet Valentine’s Day photos. It wasn’t like me to not get my “mom job” done and I was beating myself up over it. I always got the job done! How could I have failed? How did I not capture this moment?
And then I started laughing.
I was seriously getting upset over not getting a Valentine’s Day photo. A VALENTINE’S DAY PHOTO PEOPLE. Seriously?!
You see this is not like me. Whatever my job is, I get it done no matter the cost, and then I take pride in it. I have always had a performance driven personality and tend to get my self worth from completing the task at hand (and completing it WELL). I have struggled with this my entire life, but it wasn’t until Miles pointed it out to me in a parking deck my freshman year of college as I sat bawling over a bad grade that I really realized it. It is something he called out in my 10 years ago and I have tried to fight ever since.
Well there is nothing like two tiny people to point out just how flawed you are and how sometimes you are just not going to get the job done.
So here we are a week after Valentine’s Day and I am getting my photo. Not to prove something or to check it off my list, but so I can enjoy a precious photo of my girls (even if it is February 21st and not the 14th).
These verses encourage and convict me at my core. “On God rests my salvation and my glory” -my glory does not come from my performance, but from Christ in me. “For he will hide me in his shelter” -my current situation does not define me because no matter the circumstance, HE is my shelter.
If you think I am silly for getting convicted and learning a lesson from the lack of a Valentine’s Day photo then you are not alone! I AM silly for thinking that. I am silly, self centered, and self loathing. But maybe if you put my situation aside, maybe you have felt like this too? Maybe you didn’t get the grade? You didn’t get the job done? You weren’t the perfect daughter, mother, sister, wife, or friend? You didn’t meet your own expectations or the expectations of those around you? Yeah, me too.
But remember the end of Psalm 62:8, “pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us”. No matter how silly or serious the feeling is, HE is a refuge for us and ready to listen and hold you as you pour out your heart to Him.
I hope you’ll join me in choosing truth today. I am choosing to believe that HE is my shelter and my hiding place no matter what is going on around me. I am choosing to believe that I am already forgiven for all the times I have fallen short (and will again). I am choosing to believe I am enough because HE is enough.
I’m going to say that again because I need it and maybe you do too.
YOU ARE ENOUGH BECAUSE HE IS ENOUGH.
Believe that today! Our performance does not define us. HE DOES. Being a mom… even a good mom… does not define me. HE DOES. HE IS MY GLORY. And He can be yours too! Praying for you today, friends!